DISCLAIMER: The contents of this particular blog posting is solely relative to MY experience and is in no way intended to be diagnostic for others and/or their individual hurts, habits or hang-ups. If you are involved with Celebrate Recovery or another form of recovery program and your life is benefitted from it, then you are truly blessed and should continue your path there.
Prior to my beginning to attend Celebrate Recovery (CR) at my church, I already knew and had identified my hurt/habit/hang-up. I know that a part of it was my lack of friendships growing up, which resulted in my overdependence on myself and the one friend I did have. Then, after high school graduation, I sought out another friendship and began the dependence again. And, while these dependencies didn’t necessarily cause some of the misbehavior and seemingly irreparable damage that a lot of hurts, habits or hang-ups of others causes (which requires “inventories” and “amends”), mine just caused a lot of isolation and loneliness.
When I began to attend CR at my church, I attended a few meetings and then began the Step Studies on Saturdays. And, while I went to every study, wrote out my inventory, and got a sponsor, there were no amends to be made (as having been in a religious sect for twelve years, all amends and a “sin list” inventory had been created in order for my participation to be enacted). Then, my sponsor was asked to lead a small group and couldn’t make the time to be my sponsor.
Through my Step Studies (and previous ten counseling sessions at the Center for Christian Counseling), I learned that I was not in control of my life, and all the other eleven steps and eight principles of CR. The small group relationships I had were okay, but lacked the closeness that I had with my small group which I had at church (which I think many are seeking through their small group at CR).
Later, I felt like I might need to attend CR at a different location close to my job (my church is a 30-45 minute drive from home) and began attending there, but I found that, after a few months, I had difficulties with the large crowds of people, more stress and expended energy just working up the “nerve” to attend the meetings and a strong desire to, instead of the constant reminder of not only my hurts, habits or hang-ups every week (I have enough shame within to see that every morning when I face the mirror!) but of SO MANY of others’ (which REALLY burdened my soul and depressed me!), I desired to focus more on CHRIST and HIS GRACE and FORGIVENESS, which, with the further communication with my closest brothers who know of my hurts, habits or hang-ups, helps me live a more fuller life.
Last night, I decided that the stress of it all was unhealthier than the attendance. I called and talked to my closest brother, Cody, and spoke the previous night to Brian, and told them my decision.
Again, if CR is benefitting you, then by all means, continue attending.
A peek into my mind, to hear the thoughts of a 40-something single male as he walks this planet called Earth.
John M. Kirton II
DISCLAIMER: This is a personal weblog. The opinions expressed here represent my own solely and not those of The Village Church, her ministers, pastors, administrators, staff, covenant members, regular attenders or visitors; my parents; my alma mater, Dallas Christian College, her administration, faculty, Board, alumni, or students, past, present and future; or my employer and fellow employees.
My Story
- John M. Kirton II
- I attended public school for two years and private school for the remainder of my education. After graduation, I attended Bible college in Dallas, Texas, for four and one-half years consecutively. Unfortunately, I failed a class and was unable to graduate with my class but God enabled me to re-take the course and I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Bible and minors in Youth Ministry and Biblical Languages in 1994. After failing the aforementioned course, I had continued attending a church but began to falter in my faith. It was during my second year after my Bible college years that I was introduced to the International Churches of Christ (ICOC), where I became a member and was involved for twelve years. It was not until my twelfth year that, after much prayer from my parents and closest friends, Greg Faure and Wayne Stiles, I became convinced that the ICOC was a religious sect. In June, 2000, I left the ICOC and became a covenant member of The Village Church in Highland Village, TX, in April, 2004.
