HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

This is an old email that has made rounds for years -- don't know if you have seen this or not.

• Page yourself over the intercom (don't disguise your voice)
• Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does (this is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are).
• Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky" and "No, I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
  
• Send email to the rest of the company, telling them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
• Highlight your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
• While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive(R) Dishwashing Liquid.
• Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
• Insist that your email address be: "zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com".
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
• Send email to yourself, engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the email to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement. 
• Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
• Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN".
• Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many".
• Send email messages saying "free pizza, free donuts, etc. . . . in the lunchroom". When people complain that there was none, just lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh, you've got to be faster than that."
• Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 
• Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 
• If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
• When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up".
• Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think".
• Practice making fax and modem noises.
• Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. 
• Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 
• Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy".
• Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing. 
• Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
• Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
• Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area and insist to others that you "like it that way".
• Staple papers in the middle of the page. 
• Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. 
• TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
• type only in lowercase.
• Dont use any punctuation either
• Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What? Never mind, it's gone now."
• As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
• When nearly done, announce, "No, wait, I messed it up" and repeat.
• Ask people what gender they are.
• While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
• Sit in your car in the parking lot at lunch time, pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
• Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".