HICKS, TAYLOR, Age 23, of Highland Village, passed away late Tuesday, October 23, 2007. He was born August 27, 1984 in Dallas to Steven and Patricia Stephens Hicks. Taylor was a senior attending the University of North Texas, majoring in Communication Design at the College of Visual Arts He is survived by his parents, Steve and Tricia Hicks of Highland Village and grandparents, Emily Hicks of Highland Village and Betty Stephens of Lewisville.A Celebration of his life will be held 2 p.m. on Sunday November 4, at Trinity Presbyterian Church, 5500 Morriss Rd., Flower Mound, TX 75028. Taylors memory may be honored with a gift to UNT College of Visual Arts, Shannon Jauregui (940) 565-4026. MULKEY-MASON FUNERAL HOME 148 W. Church St. Lewisville, TX972-436-4581
[OB6 Obituaries, NoticesPublished in the Dallas Morning News on 11/1/2007.]
My thoughts (posted on Facebook November 2, 3, 2007)
I learned today that one of our baristas at the Starbucks located at Morriss and FM407, Taylor Austin Hicks, took his own life this past Tuesday, October 23, 2007. Taylor was 23 years old and a senior at UNT, majoring in Communication Design at the College of Visual Arts.
While I didn't know Taylor on a personal level, he was always friendly as he served my coffee beverage. I cannot help but wonder, why didn't anyone sense this coming? Should we have? Suicide is such a puzzling thing to me.
Please keep his family in your prayers, as well as the Starbucks staff as they mourn this loss to their family.
It's 1:41 AM CDT. November 4, 2007, and I can't sleep. I keep thinking about Taylor Austin Hicks and his suicide. What would cause a 23-year-old to take his own life? I think back over the times I saw him at Starbucks and wonder, "Why didn't I see this coming? What would I say if I did? Did HE see this coming?"
I think about his years of life, from August 27, 1984, when I was beginning my second year of college at DCC. I was 19 then. My college was paid for, I was making decent grades, pursuing a BA with plans to be a youth minister upon graduation. I think I was more worried about getting all my homework done than anything else.
Then my mind races forward, wondering about what I was thinking about when I was 23. At that time (in 1987), I was out of college, not having graduated because I failed Hebrew! I remember how so horribly disappointed I was with myself and frustrated with myself, wondering if I would ever graduate. There I was: 23 years old, living in a one-bedroom efficiency apartment in Addison, Texas, attending a non-instrumental Church of Christ, with a neighbor as an acquaintance (he attended the same church) and a friend who had attended DCC with me who lived in the same apartment complex. I tried to take a Hebrew course by mail but was too lazy to complete it. I must admit: it was depressing! Additionally, I was struggling with my faith, unsure of my salvation (at that time, I was unfamiliar with grace!). My future seemed bleak and my job as a CRT customer service operator had no real future. It wasn't until May of 1987 that I was introduced to the International Churches of Christ and my world as I knew it was turned upside down. But I digress...
As I continue to think about Taylor and my own life at 23, I don't think I ever considered suicide. No matter how bad things seemed then, I never considered suicide as a way out. I guess I just somehow believed that things would and had to get better. Could that have been God? But where was God for Taylor? What was going through his mind in the days leading up to October 23 which led him to believe that life was no longer worth living? Unlike me at 23, he was a senior at UNT, majoring in Communication Design at the College of Visual Arts. He was about to graduate and pursue a career. Simultaneous to his schoolwork, he had a job at Starbucks as a barista, with a group of fellow baristas who (I think and from I can tell, believe) cared for him as much as non-believers could. As for the two baristas who are believers, why didn't they see this coming?
Well, the last paragraph was written though a blur of tears as I continually ask questions to the tune of 103.7 FM. I guess a part of me feels somewhat responsible for not having seen this coming, although again, I don't know what I would've said or done to have possibly prevented Taylor's suicide. I guess I just wish things had been different.
Or was this part of God's plan, to get me to think over my life, to appreciate what I have and have experienced over these past few months: the grief of losing the relationship I had with Drew; the damage at the beginning of my new relationship with James; the pain of the meetings with Drew, James, Phillip and Scott; the meeting with Phillip a few weeks ago and the resulting feeling of lacking community and the fear that it might not come to fruition; the times of loneliness; and now the upcoming experience of having to say "see ya later" to Phillip in 8 months when he leaves to live in Asia for a year with the possibility of an additional five years. All this pain and fear, and yet, I am willing to painfully experience it instead of forever running from it with suicide. Yes, I hate it at times (okay, I hate it all the time!), but . . . I have to believe that God is allowing me to go through this for a reason.
And now, I've blown my nose and the tears have stopped (I think). I feel compelled to publish this online, although I know that I'm way past my computer curfew (and Scott [Ayers] will have a heyday about that!). But, that's okay, because I'm alive and I'll repent and Lord willing, I'll have tomorrow.
Thank you, God, for being here for me. I'm sorry if I've offended you with my questions about Taylor. I know that You were with him, and I'm sorry he didn't see You in the lives of those around him. Please forgive me.
